I don’t want to be
your entire world, no.
I would be happy
just to be your morning coffee,
your hanging car keys,
but if lost throws off
your entire day.
Been going home a lot this quarter and I realized that I’ve been feeling really homesick. Not sure what it is, but I really want to spend more time with my parents and family. It sucks that we have to work so much, but I guess we’re doing all this work in hopes of being able to relax with the ones we love someday down the line. I feel like this is a really weird concept for me.
In other news, I’m going to start a biography/log of my parents/grandparents lives because it’s really interesting information that I don’t want to forget.
Okay, enough procrastinating on my work >.> I’ll save this for thanksgiving when I’m back home with everyone.
I had told myself early on that I would catch up on the work I’ve fallen behind on TODAY but I didn’t… not really at least. However, I don’t feel bad about it. Today was actually a great fucking day and I got to talk to a lot of people I really care about and have good quality time. It sucks that there’s so much to do, and I wish there was more time to have moments like the one’s I had today, but I’m glad I chose to talk to friends instead of isolating myself and doing work. Quick bullets to reflect on later
- Catchup talk with Ysis / possibly changing my major so that I have more free time (BMC???) I think it may be worth it.
- Deciding that I’m going home Friday for dinnertime with my roommates. Shrimp. Burritos. =D
- Meeting Aunty Seu, having boba and cupcakes with arguably the coolest people I’ve met here (BAMfamily) I literally always have a good time when I’m with them.
- “One game” of SMASH with KSunga and James, we played two and it easily could have gone on for more (self control ftw)
- Quick catchup with friends from home and short talk with Dillon afterwards to help me realize I should take an extra year if I want to. I may just do that…
It was nice talking to all the people I talked to. Now, I really need to do that work I’ve been procrastinating on.
The trip to Yosemite was fun and a nice getaway from home/worries/school and whatever thoughts but now that I’m back, everything is piling on me out of nowhere. List of things to make myself more sane/for whoever to read if you really care:
- Didn’t get the writing class I wanted, and now I have to petition to try to get into it but no other classes fit my schedule so I really need to get this class and it’s bothering me
- Why can’t I move around classes in my schedule? Because bioengineering requires a crap ton of classes that I need to take every quarter (I need to be in at least 18 units this upcoming quarter)
- Do I really want to do this? I don’t know. After this summer working in a lab, I realized a lot of the science I’m interested in is really repetitive and I started dreading my work. I don’t know if I’d want to do this my whole life…
- Why do I need to know what career I want to take up? Because it’s my second year at a university and if I want to change what I want to study then I need to take a completely different set of classes, which means I can find a different writing class that would fit a different schedule… >.>
- Do I know what else I’d want to do? Not really. I haven’t been able to take classes in other subjects because of the stupid amount of requirements so I don’t even know how I’d begin deciding what classes I’d take if I don’t do bioengineering.
- One of my future roommates isn’t coming back to Stanford this year (not saying this is his fault, because it totally isn’t and I understand) and so me and my two other future roommates are going to have a Quad with one random guy we don’t know. I’m volunteering to be his roommate (we have a three room setup with two bedrooms and one work room) because I don’t want them to have to be roommates with a random dude but now I’m going to have to. I mean it’s not a huge deal but shit, I want a roommate I can relate with and keep sane with. I don’t know how this will play out…
- I wish I didn’t have this problem and had a better housing assignment without dealing with our lottery system, but I guess I’m over that whole ordeal now too.
- I feel like I’ve lost one of my best friends, but I guess that’s partly my fault too. We don’t talk as much and it seems like whatever I say just bothers him and it makes me feel like an ass.
- I also don’t know who to talk to about this because I feel like my problems are trivial and not significant when compared with others. Because I don’t know who to talk to, I feel really lonely at the moment.
I guess I’m just feeling a lot of going back to school angst. With the amount of crap I have to do I hope I even have time to hang out with friends and have fun. I really really really don’t want this year to suck >.>